Listen to Me, But Don’t Listen to Me.

This particular post was inspired by a friend of mine who mentioned my blog in passing, saying, “Wow, you’re really turning into a regular self-help guru, aren’t you?”  And while I’m sure this was said with the best of intentions, it got me a little down.

You see, I’ve never really liked the sound of the “self-help” title.  I may have mentioned this in previous articles, but I’ve spent far too much of my time as a young man wandering through the self-help aisles of Guam’s local bookstores.  And all that time spent amidst those aisles has taught me almost nothing, save for the fact that if you want self-help…you need to start helping yourself.

Even the term “self-help” holds a strange contradiction in its nature.  By its name, it implies that we all have the capacity somewhere within ourselves to solve our own problems.  Yet we have to buy these books and listen to other people tell us how to do that.  I would go so far as to say that these books often hinder our ability to help ourselves, because they cause us to hand over all responsibility for our behavior to them.  If we don’t succeed, it’s not our fault.  Because we are supposedly no longer the ones responsible.  Some of us can become so dependent on these “self-help” books that we actually stop practicing the skills that we really need to overcome our problems, like self-control and willpower.  And without honing these skills, they weaken over time, leaving us susceptible to even more problems.

In this sense, the self-help industry isn’t really all that different from a religion.  Millions of people subscribing to the Self-Help Scriptures, giving up responsibility for their own actions and placing all their trust in a higher power that may or may not answer their prayers.  Being a Catholic that spent several years studying Zen Buddhism, I’ve always found it interesting that one of the key tenets of the Buddhist belief system is to detach ourselves from earthly bonds.  All answers come from within, not from some external source.  Not even the God that you choose to worship.

And it’s not that religion doesn’t teach us useful things.  It’s just that when you subscribe to a religion, and you follow it unquestioningly, you are ultimately giving up control of yourself.  It’s fine to have faith.  Everyone believes in something.  But there is a line between having faith and worshipping blindly.  Because blind worship is the reason that the self-help industry is thriving in America.

That’s why I don’t take well to being referred to, even jokingly, as a “self-help guru.”  I don’t think that any real productivity blogger does.  We don’t know everything.  Hell, the only thing that we can be sure of knowing in this life is that we don’t know anything…lol.  My words aren’t intended to be taken as gospel.  They’re intended to provoke thoughts and discussion.  Because there are no such things as absolute answers, and I don’t assume that I can give you any.  Nobody should.  The best teachers will never give you the answers outright.  That completely circumvents the point of learning.  The true teachers just give you gentle hints and systems that you can use to figure the answer out for yourself.  That way, you eventually develop the skills that allow you to progress on your own.  That’s true self-help.

Of course, the self-help industry isn’t completely devoid of solid content, and there are still quite a few bright stars out there that are worth giving a listen to.  My personal favorite bloggers are Seth Godin, and fellow Guamanian Leo Babauta, who are both amazingly talented writers in the fields of productivity.  These guys are extremely good at creating thought-provoking discussions while leaving the ball of personal responsibility in your court.  I also enjoy reading the various contributions over at Pick The Brain, Dumb Little Man, and Stepcase Lifehack, though the quality of the contributions at those sites can vary from writer to writer.  My favorite thing about these sites is that no matter what life path you choose…their advice is intended to help you along that path, not try to push you down it.  If you’re going to seek help from anywhere outside of yourself, I highly recommend avoiding the self-help section at first, and instead try doing a little introspective thinking about your problems, meditating, or visiting one of these productivity sites.  For the majority of people, this will save a lot of time and effort.  And at the very least, it will save you the cost of the dozen or more books you would have bought to reach the same conclusion…;).

If you liked this article, you may also like: Who’s In Control of Your Life? Thank you for reading, friends. May you always pursue the greater knowledge, ask the higher questions, and live your best lives.  Namaste.

Suggested Reading:

Self Help Doesn’t Work

The Huffington Post: Why Self-Help Usually Doesn’t Work…and What Always Does.

PsyBlog: Is Modern Self-Help Just a Massive Money-Making Scam?