You Have No Personality… and That’s Great!
10 Sep
There’s a scene in the movie “Hitch” where Kevin James and Will Smith are discussing James’ new shoes.
James says, “…I don’t think they’re really me.”
And Smith responds by saying, “‘You’ is a very fluid concept right now. You bought the shoes. You look great in the shoes. That’s the you I’m talking about.”
There’s a myth in modern society that each of us has a fixed, concrete personality that determines how we react to things every day.
There couldn’t be anything further from the truth.
You have no personality. Neither do I. Neither does anyone else.
The things that we call ‘personalities’ are really just a nebulous cloud of beliefs, memories, and influences. And this cloud is constantly changing, all the time. Every single action, reaction, and interaction that we experience shifts the position of everything in that cloud. This basically means that trying to maintain a constant personality for your entire life is about as feasible as stepping the same river twice. It simply can’t be done.
Now, some people want to hold on to their personalities. They find comfort in believing that they are in a constant frame of mind that dictates what they will and won’t do. But why would you want to?
Imagine that you love your house just the way that it is right now. You love the way your house is constructed. You love the way your furniture is aligned. You love how organized and uncluttered everything is. It’s perfect. Now imagine trying to keep your house that way for your entire life. Maybe you’ll get married, maybe you’ll have children. If you keep everything exactly the way it is, how will you make room for these new things in your life? You can’t make room for your spouse. You can’t make room for your children. That would involve rearranging furniture or adding to the house! Adding these new things to your life is nearly impossible if you can’t make room for them in your life…and trying to integrate them into your life and keeping things exactly the way they are will only cause you unnecessary stress.
This is what a lot of people do with their personalities. They try to hold on to a preconceived idea of “who they are”, and they don’t make room in their minds for any new ideas, even if the ideas could greatly enrich their lives.
As a result, they stress. They stress because they think that there is some concrete ideal that they are supposed to be. But our minds are not solid things. They are fluid. They are meant to ebb and flow, to accommodate and absorb new ideas.
So if you’re reading this and you’re carrying around a “personality” that you think you’re supposed to fit in to…a role that you feel you must play…unnecessary pressures that weigh you down…just put it down for a moment. It’s a suit of armor that you don’t need to be wearing. And if you think that putting your personality aside doesn’t feel like you…well…”you” is a very fluid concept right now…;).
Thanks for reading, my friends…please share this with others and have a fantastic day!
I am extremely surprised that no one has commented on this. This is SO TRUE. Personally, I feel that people use personalities as an excuse. “I’m an extrovert so I have to be around people.” “I’m an introvert; I need to spend all my time alone.” More people should read this.
Well, it’s early yet, so hopefully things will pick up…haha…but thank you for your kind words. It’s great to know that there are people like you out there that understand and appreciate my ideas. You’re a rockstar…:).
In a way, you could say that people do not live 1 single life, but a myriad of separate lives determined by their situation in life. So I’m not really the same person I was 6 months ago, because I had a separate set of problems and I lived to solve those problems. Then something might have changed my mind or shifted my behaviour, and bam! New person.
@Autosis: Right on, you’ve got it. That’s why I compare it to never stepping in the same river twice. The river is always changing from moment to moment, and it’s never the same as it was a second ago. It still goes by the same name, if it has one, but it’s a completely different river. Same thing with people. You nailed it…:)
It’s a nice write up. However, I don’t agree with it.
People have innate personality traits. You see it in young kids, siblings, friends, family and colleagues. Our personalities are defined by the unique blueprints of the structure of our brain.
Where we do a disservice to ourselves is when we try to mimic other people’s personalities instead of finding out who we truly are or want to be. But to argue we don’t have unique personalities is to argue we are all alike and our brains are too. That doesn’t reflect reality.
The complex biochemical processes in our brain define our personalities. Of course these biochemical processes are influenced by time, experience, environment, diet, exercise, intellectual/psychological training, relationships etc.
Even babies have personalities and they know very little about the world they inhabit.
@mystilleef: I see where you’re coming from, and I appreciate your insight. I’m not disagreeing that each of our personalities is uniquely ours. I’m merely saying, in simple terms, that there is no such thing as a “concrete” personality. And that placing the responsibility for the inter-and intra-personal matters on your personality is kind of a cop-out, because belief systems can be changed. As William James said, “…our self-feeling in this world depends entirely on what we back ourselves to be and do.” Of course, there are certain immutable characteristics in the human mind that are dictated by biochemical processes, but there are always ways around it. Depending on what school of cognitive psychology you subscribe to, of course…;).
On a side note, I’m really glad that this article is generating such insightful discussion…:).
Thank you for this. I’ve always had a certain type of being that made me only do what my personality wanted me to do. Reading this kinda allowed me sort out some lingering thoughts I’ve had. When you say “The things that we call ‘personalities’ are really just a nebulous cloud of beliefs, memories, and influences. And this cloud is constantly changing, all the time.” That really hit home for me. Thanks for this.
You’re quite welcome, Sara. I’m glad I was able to help you sort things out. Big thanks to you for reading and appreciating!
This is a brilliant idea for people to consider. We are fluid, dynamic ever changing, ever evolving intelligent people! I find that my happiness level increases dramatically when I “let go” of my personal beliefs and allow life to just flow. For instance, I finally learned to let my wife change me slowly over time and she lets me change her slowly over time, it is how we are a happy couple after 10 years of marriage.
Thanks, Buck, I feel the same way about my relationship. I have to admit, I chuckle a bit when people say they’re afraid that relationships will change them. They don’t realize that everything in life brings about a change…and that a healthy relationship can bring about the best kinds of changes in a person. Thanks for sharing your story…:).