Who’s Really In Control of Your Life?

Imagine for a moment that you’re driving down the road on a clear, beautiful day.  The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and all is generally right with the world.

Then a song comes on the radio that you absolutely hate.  So what do you do?

Do you change the radio station?  Do you pop in a CD?  Do you turn the radio off?  Or do you yell,”THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO!”, let go of the wheel, and watch yourself veer into oncoming traffic?

Believe it or not, that last option is the metaphorical equivalent of how most people deal with their personal issues.  There are so many simple solutions to our everyday problems, but most people don’t want to exercise them.   They prefer to stop taking responsibility and let the problem get much worse.  Perhaps even you’ve done it at some point in your life.  After all, it’s easier to sit back and do nothing than to make a conscious effort, right?

So How Do You Deal?

When you’re faced with a problem, no matter how small or big, you have a choice.  You either:

A) Deal with it – Acknowledge the problem, work out a solution, and take action

or

B) Deny it -  Deal with the problem in unhealthy ways, blame it on an external source, procrastinate, or avoid it entirely.

Surprisingly, the majority of people choose B.  Why?  Because it’s the easy way out.  After all, your problems aren’t your problems, right?  Life made you that way.  You’re a victim of circumstance.  Now, forgive me for what I’m about to say, because it’s meant to help you…but I’m calling bullshit.

I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like to blame everything but yourself.  It’s so easy because you don’t have to take responsibility for your own problems.  But when you don’t take responsibility for yourself…when you can’t admit that your problems are YOUR problems…you’ll never own them.  You won’t go searching for solutions.  You’ll just keep letting the problem ride you around forever.  At some point, you need to start being an owner.  And stop being a victim.

My Battle With Responsibility

I love food.  I’m not ashamed to admit that.  But for a good portion of my adult life, I loved food a little too much.  As a result, I spent almost ten years being severely overweight.  After graduating from high school, I stopped playing sports on a regular basis.  Then I went to college and ended up gaining the famous “freshman fifteen.”  I convinced myself that it was just a small gain and I would work it off later.

I just wish I had known back then that those small gains would keep adding up, and that “later” would mean “ten years later.”

When I graduated high school, I weighed 175 pounds and I felt like I could take on the world.  When I decided to take control of my weight ten years later, I weighed in at close to 300 pounds and my self-esteem was in the toilet.  What happened?  I had chosen to let go of the wheel.

Why Self-Help Books Usually Won’t Help You

People in America buy self-help books more often than any other genre of book out there.  And the sales numbers go up every year.  Here’s a question for you: If those books are really helping people, why do they keep buying more books?  Shouldn’t they have been “fixed” already?  Surely the books must be ineffective, right?  Wrong.

It’s not that the books don’t work.  I’ve read a ton of them, and many of them have been extremely helpful.  The problem lies with the people that read them.  You see, most people don’t buy self-help books because they want answers.  They buy them because they want to pass responsibility off to the authors.  That way, if they fail, they don’t have to blame themselves.  They can blame the writers.  “Hey, I bought your book and I read it.  My problem’s still there.  Your book sucks.”

That’s why these books are called SELF-help books, not, “Here’s-7-bucks-now-fix-me” books.  Because they’re not magic bullets.  They’re tools.  When you buy one, it’s assumed that you’ll use it to actively help yourself.  If you can’t do that, you’re just flushing away money so you can keep on being a victim.

What About When People Genuinely Cause Problems for Me?

Sometimes you’re faced with problems that come from outside your psyche.  Maybe your company downsized you.  Maybe someone stole your wallet.  Maybe you asked someone out and they laughed in your face.    If it’s not your fault, are you allowed to feel terrible and mope about it?  After all, you didn’t start it, right?  Maybe that’s true.  But if you don’t handle it, you’re still letting it hold power over you.   You’re not controlling your life anymore.  Your boss is.  The thief is.  The person who laughed at you is.  And the more power they hold over you, the more of a victim you become.  Now some people don’t mind playing the victim, because people will feel sorry for you.  But do you really want to feel sorry for yourself?

It’s time to take control of your life.

Thanks for reading…and may you always be the masters of your own lives.

-T.Johnson

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

-Brian Tracy