Playing to Lose

In its widest possible sense…a man’s Self is the sum total of all that he can call his, not only his body and his psychic powers, but his clothes and his house, his wife and children, his ancestors and friends, his reputation and works, his lands and horses, and yacht and bank-account. All these things give him the same emotions. If they wax and prosper, he feels triumphant; if they dwindle and die away, he feels cast down.

-William James

With Halloween right around the corner, I thought it would be a good time to talk about masks and superheroes…and the different roles that each of us plays ever day.

I think that each of us has a variety of masks that we have to don each time we step into the company of others.  At work, I have to put on my Professional mask.  When I’m out with friends having dinner and drinks, I put on my Social mask.  When I’m home, I put on my Family mask.  And there’s a dozen other masks that I put on, depending on the role I have to play.  But I often feel the need to step back and wonder…which of these masks is really me?  I know how to play all of my roles well…but how well do I know how to play myself?

I often wonder if each of us has these moments…moments where our identities blur together and obscure the people that we really are.  What is my role?  How do I define myself?  Who am I?

But I think the truth of it is that time spent worrying about what our “true” natures are is time that could be better spent on higher pursuits.  Like the rest of the universe, our true selves are always in motion…and ever-changing.  There could never be a single role that defines us.  We are every role that we play, and we are none of them.  For some of us, that might seem like an extremely vague, Zen-like concept to come to grips with.  But think of it as trying to name a moment before it passes.  The second you even begin to think about the moment, it will be long gone.  It is our nature to want uniformity…to want constancy.  It’s comforting.  But life is not uniform.  Life is not constant.  Things change.  And so will we.

Lessons from Superman

Many of us try to fight off this bittersweet fact by trying to wear one of our masks all the time, hoping that eventually the mask will become a part of us.  We think that by doing this, we will eventually become the best that we can be at that chosen role.  We think that focusing on a single role will make us superhuman.  But let me ask you something very important…why doesn’t Superman want to be Superman all the time?  As Superman, he’s the best he is at what he does.  He makes the world a better place every day.  He’s beloved by millions of people.  But he chooses to live out most of his day as mild-mannered Clark Kent.

Superman gets the recognition, but he isn’t recognized for who he is.  He’s recognized for what he does, and what he stands for.  Many accomplished individuals know this feeling.  Clark Kent, on the other hand, doesn’t seek recognition.  He just wants a simple human connection…to be accepted and loved for his faults and his foibles, and not for any exceptional gifts.  But he accepts that he can play both roles.

Why?  Because this man is not just Superman.  He’s not just Clark Kent.  He’s not even just Kal-El, for my fellow nerds who know him by his birth name.  He is a complete individual that embraces all of his roles, and accepts that each part of his life can have a serious and lasting effect on the others.  Superman isn’t a hero because of his powers.  Even villains can have powers.  He is a hero because he tempers his strength with the humility of his secret identity.  And that is sometimes what we need to do.

Being a hero…being the best that we can be and fulfilling our potential…doesn’t come from focusing purely on one aspect of your life.  It comes from allowing every part of our lives to blend together into a cohesive whole.  True power comes from every part of you…not just the part that you present to the world.  Even the best of our qualities must be balanced out, just as the darkness of Yin balances out the pure light of Yang.  You must temper your perceived strengths and balance them, or else they will become weaknesses.  So put down the masks(your figurative masks, of course), stop trying to put labels on different areas of your life, and just be. Because you are you.  And nothing else.

Thank you for reading, friends…I hope that you all have a safe and happy Halloween, and I hope to see you here again soon…:).  Namaste.

In honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday, I’d like to present something slightly more gruesome than you’re used to…but, hopefully, no less helpful…lol.

Temptation is an evil that lurks everywhere in our day-to-day lives.  It nudges us to stop working.  It urges us to quit dieting.  It makes us inactive, undisciplined, and unproductive.  And worst of all, after we give in to its siren call and enjoy the short-term reward that it offers…it turns around and makes us feel terrible for surrendering to its advances.  But that is the power of temptation.  It has a way of finding our vulnerabilities…our weak points…and using them to lull us into a state of submission and shame.

So how can we stop such a devious enemy? 

Cut Off Its Head and Gain Its Power.

Let me explain…

Among some of the indigenous tribes of South America, it was not an uncommon practice for warriors to cut off the heads of fallen enemies and take them as trophies.  It was believed that taking these trophies from their fallen foes would increase the warriors’ power and protect them from evil spirits.  It’s a tradition that has appeared in many forms in various warrior cultures and castes throughout history.

And as weird as it seems, it’s exactly what we need to think about when we are fighting off temptation.

We all know that our struggles with temptation aren’t a once-in-a-while thing.  They are things that we must face on a regular basis.  We are, all of us, warriors battling for control of our own lives.  And every decision that we make is a fight against temptation.  Do we want to take the easy way out, or do we want to do what’s best?

When we choose to take the easy way out…when we let temptation win…that temptation takes a little piece of our spirit from us.  It makes us feel terrible that we gave in to it.  We tell ourselves that we are weak.  Then, we start believing ourselves and we become weak.

And this does nothing but leave us vulnerable for more and more attacks from temptation, with every strike leaving us weaker and more fallable.

But if we shield ourselves from temptation…and pursue our chosen paths, even when the way becomes obscured and difficult to follow…we are the ones who prove victorious.  And when we win in our battle against temptation, we tell ourselves that we are strong.  We become strong.

Become the Defenders of Your Own Minds.

Every time we dominate our temptations, we subconsciously take a trophy from their fallen forms.  But instead of taking a head or an ear from our enemy, we take away memories, both conscious and subconscious.  These memories bolster us.  They reinforce our willpower.  And they make us stronger in spirit.

So the next time you find yourself faced with temptation, remember that you are a warrior of life, squared off against your mortal enemy.  And even though these battles might not be life-or-death matters, they’re still just as important, because they dictate who’s really in control of your willpower and your mind.  They’re not battles to the death…but they are battles for your life.  May you prove ever victorious.

Thank you for reading, friends.  Live well, fight hard, and I hope that you receive all that you deserve.  Namaste.

William Shakespeare once said that all the world’s a stage and all of us are but players upon it.  And there have been a lot of different interpretations of this famous saying throughout the years.  But I’ve always found it to mean one thing: the roles that we play are the roles that we come to fulfill, and the people that we pretend to be are the people that we ultimately become.

If you act as your best self…you will become your best self.  And if you resign yourself to being mediocre…then you will become mediocre.

When you deny yourself a superior role, you are robbing yourself of the potential for greatness that all human beings are born with.

So why would you not choose to act as your best self, in both your personal life and your work life?

If you play the leader, you become the leader.

Most of us dream about being leaders one day, whether we want to believe it or not.  We want to become leaders of our field, leaders of our teams, or just leaders of ourselves.  But in order to create and fulfill that role, you need one crucial element: enthusiasm.  Be enthusiastic about the role that you’re about to play, especially if you plan to become a leader.

Enthusiasm is infectious.  It draws people to you like moths to a candle.  No good leader is ever without it.  Be enthusiastic about the things that you say.  And when someone responds to the things you say, be enthusiastic about your responses.  When you radiate that level of intensity, people respond positively to it.  It pumps you up, it gets people smiling, and it gets heads nodding, including your own.

There are many people that try to be leaders by withholding enthusiasm.  They think that a leader should be reserved, realistic, and “professional.”  But the problem is that these people don’t act professional because they are professional.  They act professional because they’re afraid to demonstrate enthusiasm and intensity, and they think that acting more reserved will allow them to play it safe.

Now comes the natural question: how can we become enthusiastic if we’re not naturally enthusiastic?

Well, as Dale Carnegie once said,

Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic.

When you come up with an idea that lights a small spark in you, you need to start acting excited about it.  Because when you get excited about your ideas, that small spark spreads like wildfire to the people around you.  And that infectious energy will ultimately funnel back to you, feeding that little spark until it becomes a raging inferno of motivation.

So act enthusiastic about everything that you want to pursue.  As long as you throw everything you have into it, the people around you will believe your enthusiasm is real.  And the more you perform your act, the more real it becomes…and the more you grow into it.  Even if your enthusiasm doesn’t initially come from a place of genuine emotion…in time, it will.

Enthusiasm, like willpower and determination, isn’t a characteristic that occurs naturally in people.  It is a skill that has to be cultivated and strengthened with practice over time.  So get out there and start practicing!

Thanks for reading, friends.  I hope that your enthusiasm grows in your work life, your home life, and anything that you choose to pursue.  Namaste…:).

Hello, everyone.

During my extended absence, I got caught up in a strange ordeal.  While laboring away at my “real” job, I ended up writing copy for a type of client that many independent contractors dread: the backseat driver.  As a professional, I obviously can’t name names.  But I was constantly trying to fight an uphill battle with this client to justify my word choices, getting critiqued every step of the way.  I finally realized what level of hell I was in when they told me that my words were “too upbeat and exciting.”  I was writing a brochure for a vacation resort.

So, to cut the encounter short and keep myself from going insane, I caved.  I wrote what they wanted, and made a mental note to never put myself through that again if I could avoid it.

The experience was so stressful that I decided to take an impromptu break from work, just to get my mind back in the right place.  And I came back here…to do what I love most…:).

Oftentimes, when it comes to careers, we feel forced to choose between pursuing our passions and pursuing a paycheck.  Ultimately, it boils down to a single question:  Where do you get your fulfillment from?

Personally, I became a freelance writer for two reasons:  I love freedom.  And I love to write.

And even though copywriting gets the bills paid, it’s not what gets my blood flowing in the morning.  You know what gets me excited?  Love.  Life.  And this blog.

Playing to Lose

I’ve always prided myself on the fact that Playing to Lose is ad-free, and a lot of my readers have asked me why I’ve never attempted to monetize the site.  I pull in modest numbers(close to 1,000 unique visitors/day, nothing incredible), but I’ve never tried to capitalize on my traffic with ad spaces or affiliate links.   The reason is simple.  I don’t monetize the site because I didn’t start this blog with the intent of turning it into a business venture.  I created it as an escape hatch.

You see, I spend the better part of my day working for clients that want me to write about things that don’t really matter.  My entire copywriting career is littered with vested interests and skewed viewpoints.  And so I created this place as sort of a sanctuary.  There’s nothing corporate here.  Nothing commercial.  Just me, writing about the things that matter to me.

Of course, I’m not leaving out the possibility of one day leaving copywriting behind and dedicating myself exclusively to the world of personal development.  If I could actually make a living exclusively from the work I do here, that would be an amazing dream to achieve.  But in the meantime, it’s nice to have a place that I can escape to when the stresses and pressures of the corporate world grow too large for me to bear.  It’s what keeps my true passion for writing alive while I do what I must to get the bills paid.

To me, Playing to Lose is more than an blog.  It’s an open forum for knowledge…a place where someone like me can share their thoughts with honesty, minus any corporate intervention.  It’s a place for discussion.  Perhaps my words will help someone.  Perhaps they won’t.  But knowing that they might…well, that’s worth more than any paycheck.

So take a good, hard look at your life.  Think about whether you’re pursuing your passions, or a paycheck, and ask yourself that simple question:  “Where am I getting my fulfillment from?”  Because knowing the true source of the joy in your life is what will keep you pursuing the things that you love…and stop you from wasting time on the things that don’t matter.

Thank you for reading, friends.  I’m glad that I could share my thoughts with you today, and I’m glad to have readers as exceptional as yourselves to keep the conversation alive.  Namaste…:).